Postcard on Validation
You’re not that special!
People are addicted to success stories. People also love to clap, except not alone and especially not at the beginning of any journey. Most people would only clap when it’s the popular thing to do.
“How is this your business?”, you ask.
Well, it’s your business because people also love to be clapped for and you’re a person, so you should probably address this issue. Validation is a drug and it gives an even stronger high when coming from the outside.
Is it right for this to be the case?
That’s a different story all together because it depends on where you are on the healing ladder. It all depends on how much inner work you’ve done.
You must come to terms with this simple truth if you must effectively deal with validation issues. Your case is not special. You’re not worthless for wanting someone to notice that you tried harder today than you did yesterday. It’s almost a default setting for humans.
But do you know the purpose of “settings”?
It’s so you can customize to your taste; to what works. And you see external validation? It doesn’t work. At least, not for long, and when you depend on it to create, you will quickly run out of steam. You will quickly realize that humans, including friends and family, “no too send you like that”. They have their own lives to focus on. Or they simply might be clapping for the latest success on the block by the time you need a refuel. Again, you’re not that special.
“But I want to be special”, you say.
Don’t worry. You can be special…to yourself. You can decide that you and your creation are the best things since bread and butter combo. Not a problem! But to do that, you must have your “why” figured out before stepping out into the front porch of any venture. A deep seated reason that makes sense to you. A drive that has its roots in the core of your being. That’s how you care less about who clapped or capped.
So, live! Build! Create! Do what makes your heart sing and let the process of formation be your reward. Let the thrill of figuring out the pieces be your drive. In the end, you are your biggest cheerleader and you should move as such.
- Odinakachi Nwonu
Internal validation is more rewarding and long lasting than external validation.
Great post, Odinakachi!
Getting praise from others feels nice, but it's not always there when you need it. People change their minds a lot and are usually busy with their own stuff. It is better to feel good about yourself without needing others to tell you. A great read and good reminder.