One joy scatters a hundred griefs.
— Chinese Proverb
I’ve had a chaotic relationship with joy. I remember being a grumpy kid, and then moved to being a very giggly teenager until I lost my dad at the tail end of that phase. “Sad”doesn’t quite capture what I became. I clung to grief like a lifeline. The irony!
Grief went from being an august visitor to being a regular one and finally, it moved in and we became roommates. Sharing my life with grief wasn’t difficult. I knew it just as much as it knew me. I was so wrapped up in it that joy became a foreign emotion. We continued this relationship till I was almost done with uni.
Well, it’s been close to a decade after uni and while I’m no longer grief-stricken, I still have my mournful days. But that’s not the point of this piece.
I want to talk to you about choosing joy. When I was a grief-wrecked young adult in uni, I thought I didn’t need joy. Sadness soothed me and that was enough. It kept guilt outside and fueled my creativity. What else could a girl ask for? But time has a way of showing you what you truly need, and it eventually pointed me to joy.
We often think of joy as something ahead of us, a destination. Some form of prize to earn for an achievement, a consolation. You will never reach joy if you think of it in these terms.
Joy is you waking up in the morning with a blast of sunlight on your face. It is a forehead kiss from the love of your life. It is your mother’s voice echoing across the room punctuated by laughter. It is a noisy evening with your friends. A solo dance in your room in the dead of night. Joy is not far from you. It is with you; within you.
By now, you already know where I’m going with this. Choosing joy doesn’t have to be dramatic. It’s simply an appreciation of the small and big things. An acknowledgment that while everything may not be okay, some things are, and that in itself, is a huge win.
However, the opposite is an easier choice. It’s easier to wait for the promotion mail to come through before feeling joyful. It’s easier to wait until you have the love of your life by your side before choosing joy. It’s easier to wait…
I’m sure you’ve heard the expression, “fight for joy”. Turns out the reason you have to fight for it is because the alternative is way cheaper. Sadness doesn’t need permission to swagger into your space. Anger doesn’t knock before seizing your heart. Joy sometimes comes easy but mostly you have to choose it, hence the “fight”. The good news is that the more you choose it, the cozier both of you get.
Also, you don’t have to feel qualified before inviting it over. Joy doesn’t call you “unqualified”. You’re the one who think you need to earn her presence. As long as you’re here, you’re worthy of joy and I hope that you will realize just how deserving of it you are. I hope that you will somehow realize that waiting for a smooth sea before welcoming joy is a futile attempt. I hope you learn that while you may never have a problem-free life, you can have a joyful one. One that is not marked by worry but dotted by unadulterated moments of joy. Unchained joy!
I’m learning to make that choice every day. It’s sometimes difficult, but I’m getting better at it. I’m getting better at insisting on feasting only when joy is on the menu. Some days, I sink into a sort of sadness that feels like an endless stretch of night, but I remember that joy is just around the corner. I remember that its arms will always be outstretched waiting for me, whether I can feel it or not. That is freeing!
In all you do, never forget that joy is a journey and it is a life staple. I need it. You need it. We all need it. It’s how we make this cold world a little less cold. It’s how the journey gets a little easy.
Why postpone joy when there is always enough to go round?
- Odinakachi Nwonu
Like all good things, there can never be a lack of joy!
Wonderful read! I loved it.