What’s Stopping You?

What’s stopping you from being the person you only fantasize about in your head?

What’s keeping you from the life your heart currently cartwheels for?

These are the questions that have been burning in my heart lately. They show up every day and refuse to leave.

I came across a photo of myself in my early twenties recently and my eyes softened with pride and longing. Pride for the girl I was and longing for what that girl carried. She had a deep sense of her own free will.

One expression that has always fascinated me is “Use your free will.” It fascinates me because the later part of my twenties has dragged me into a place where free will feels like a forgotten idea. I often catch myself behaving like a child waiting for permission in a life that belongs to me.

Yes, I am a person of faith and it matters that my will aligns with my Abba’s, but that is not what I mean here. I am talking about the instructions and assignments that are rotting in my hands because I cannot find the vim I once had in abundance. I am talking about the loss of the mojo that used to come easily, the loss of spontaneity.

So, this is my new resolve. To make better use of my free will. To get up and do the thing, whatever the thing is. To live a life that currently exists only in my head. To be fully present in my own story and worry less about how it looks to those who are not living it.

Cheers to free will. Cheers to changing hobbies simply because. Cheers to adopting a new fashion sense because it is what my heart reaches for. Cheers to making memories without hesitation and cheers to attending funerals of dead versions of me and moving the heck on.