Postcard on Familiarity

“Unfoolishly” familiar!

Familiarity breeds contempt!

The above expression is true. It's the reason I constantly pray not to get too familiar with God while concurrently yearning to be filled to overflow by His Spirit.

In our relationships with people, we often come with a bubbliness in our spirits. An openness to learn their nuances. The desire to appreciate. Only “bad” people step into someone’s life with a premeditated desire to belittle or under appreciate.

At the start of friendships and other forms of relationships, our intentions are usually quite pristine. However, no matter how pure our intentions are, it won't stop our hearts from breeding contempt if we let it. Nigerians popularly refer to this as "see finish". That casual condescension that creeps in when we are introduced to the parts of people that were prior hidden to us. That feeling of, "Abeg, I’ve seen this before".

The saying, "familiarity breeds contempt" might be true, but best believe it is also the easiest way to lose the people God has put in our lives. We must constantly put ourselves in check. We must routinely ask the questions that matter.

"Am I stepping out of line?"

"Do I still have that childlike awe that drew me to them?”

"Do they feel belittled by me?"

"How can I do better?"

The questions, of course, can be more nuanced. But at the heart of it, the intention is to never lose our wonder. To preserve that sense of awe that once drew us towards our people. To constantly cultivate a sense of respect.

Familiarity, when left unchecked, can be quite damaging. It's usually the reason lovers drift apart. The reason friendships fizzle out. The reason families frown on their own geniuses.

Because this is the case, we must never lose sight of our humanity. By design, we are very flawed, so it makes sense that without intending to, we often hurt the very people we wouldn't mind giving an arm for.

The cure is to check ourselves and communicate. To be loud about the things we love about those we love. You may have gotten used to your partner's winning streak, but the regularity of their wins should never lower the loudness of your applause. Guard your sense of awe! Make sure it's always as high as that first time you first noticed their genius.

Your friend may be very good at checking in. Make sure you haven't slipped into that place of, "it's nothing". Gestures like that are gold and should always be something. Don't trivialize beauty because of your access to it.

To keep that monster called contempt on leash, we must learn to prioritize communication. We must learn to have open conversations with our friends and loved ones about this subject. You know, assure them of our support. Ask to be held accountable. Pledge to be better.

Hopefully, with just the right amount of effort, we can be familiar without being foolish. Hopefully, we can cultivate a type of familiarity that leaves no room for contempt.

- Odinakachi Nwonu