Postcard on Addiction

Do I have a “dæmon” now?

My Attention Span is After My Life!

And I seem to be letting it gain ground.

Unfortunately!

Earlier this year, I worked with a producer on a project, and that experience has been nothing short of catalytic. The floodgates of my creativity burst open—again and again. Some people really do leave you different than they found you.

During one of our conversations, she asked me two simple questions:

“Do you watch movies?”

“Do you read books?”

I said yes to both. But lately, I’ve been feeling like a fraud. I do read. I do watch movies. But my attention span? That little menace hijacks my focus every time, shoving a billion meta distractions in my face before I can make it to the finish line.

What happened to getting lost in the folds and twists of my favorite character’s life until hunger pangs remind me that I have a mother to stay alive for? Until responsibilities remind me that I have a life to tend to?

I miss the days when a movie could hold me captive, gripping me tight until the credits rolled. Now? It’s like I’m chasing a high. With an endless buffet of options on streaming platforms, I hop from film to film, searching for one chaotic enough to drown me in delirious dopamine.

My attention span is after my life.

And it’s clear I can’t keep letting it gain ground.

Unfortunately!

I’ve considered a social media fast, but I have a course to market. So, what now? A few days ago, I jokingly told my sister that my phone feels like my dæmon—a nod to Philip Pullman’s Northern Lights. She laughed and agreed that, honestly, that might be the case. How sad.

In the book, humans are inseparably bound to their dæmons—animal manifestations of their souls. I hate to admit it, but my phone has become an extension of me. Always within reach. Always responding to my every impulse. Painful to be without. It shapeshifts between roles—work tool, social lifeline, escape hatch. And just like Lyra and Pantalaimon, I find myself tethered to this glowing screen like a digital dæmon.

I hate it. I want to function without a screen. I long to be lost in my own thoughts. I miss handwriting poetry. I miss strolling without a headset. I miss doodling. I miss my life before this addiction.

And I know it’s easy to say: Then reclaim your life!

I promise you—I’m trying. Which is why I hate this placentine relationship I have with this cursed device. Why can’t I just let go whenever I want to?

In Northern Lights, Pantalaimon feeds Lyra words of wisdom. My phone, on the other hand, mostly feeds me doomscrolls and distractions. And honestly? I already have the Holy Spirit for wisdom.

My attention span is after my life.

And I’ve finally pinpointed the real culprit—my phone.

Unfortunately (fortunately)!

I’m a screenwriter. I have to read a ton of books. I have to watch a ton of movies. I love both. But the past two weeks? Hell. Pure hell. I can’t focus on anything longer than five minutes, and I feel like I’m headed for a crash unless some deus ex machina swoops in to save me (preferably without the “machina”).

This newsletter probably sounds like my 12-year-old self whining about limited playtime. Maybe it is. But I needed an outlet. Hopefully, I get my life back on track before this chaos becomes part of me.

Authors Note:

I really enjoy writing to you, and I’m considering adding a section where I share random things I’m loving—or just scraps from my brain. Let’s start with these:

• Fisayo Longe’s interview on The Numbers Game—Deeply inspirational. I’m always in awe of what she’s building with Kai.

• Irene Agbotaen’s conversation with Grace Beverley on building TTYA—Such an audacious babe. I love women who just go for it.

• Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way has been revolutionary for me—it’s one of the reasons I’m fighting my attention span. I want to be completely immersed in it.

• This quote from Amarachi Nwosu. Needed!

  

  Happy new month. May February be fabulous!💚

With loads and loads of love,

Odinakachi Nwonu