Afụrụ m gị n’anya.

To be seen…

Photo Credit: Pinterest

A few days ago, I bumped into a quote on Instagram:

“If we want the rewards of being loved, we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known.”

Wow. Just wow!

Love is such an interesting thing. It defies logic at every turn. The idea that you can cross paths with a stranger, and somehow, they become your favorite person? That will never not blow my mind.

And love, in all its forms, will always feel surreal to me. Love for our families. Love for our friends. Love for our partners. Love for our kids. Love will always be deep.

So, a mountain I’m willing to camp on is this: love is not love unless you know and are known. That double-edged knowing is a required ingredient. You cannot claim to love if you’ve never let yourself go through the, sometimes uncomfortable, experience of being truly seen. Of being peeled back, layer by layer, until all that’s left is the bare, unfiltered starkness of your humanity. And love isn’t whole until you are present enough to unravel someone else in the same way.

Love, by design, demands a knowing—a deep kind of seeing.

From here, I’ll just copy and paste something I published on a different platform last year. It captures my thoughts on love nicely. Enjoy.

“To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow—this is a human offering that can border on miraculous.” — Elizabeth Gilbert

When you think of love, what comes to mind? Butterflies? Late night texts? Wigs and wristwatches? Matching pajamas?

Cute, right?

But love is so much more than the surface stuff. I think the Igbo language does an incredible job of capturing its essence with the word “Ifunanya”. Look at that word closely—it literally means “to see.”

When you tell someone “Afụrụ m gị n’anya,” you’re confessing something profound: I see you. And this isn’t just about physical sight. It’s the kind of seeing that goes deeper, past the skin and straight into the soul.

Maybe that’s why they say beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. When you truly love someone, you see their beauty—even the parts they try to hide. Flaws? They start to look like character. Jagged edges? Suddenly, they’re not so sharp. Quirks? Those become the cutest little gestures. Love creates its own kind of magic.

That’s why you can’t reason with someone in love. Dem no dey advise them. Lol. You see red flags; they see a green pasture and are probably humming TY Bello’s “The Land is Green.” Because when love takes over, all they see is green—bright, endless, beautiful green.

So, when you say, “Afụrụ m gị n’anya,” you’re saying so much more than just “I love you.” You’re saying, I see your essence. I see the meaning in your half-finished sentences, the story in your chuckles, the joy in your deep, belly laughs. I see your fire, your ambition. I see your battles, the ones you hide from everyone else. I see the weight you carry.

It’s a seeing that demands knowing. It’s why love isn’t about proximity. You can sit in the same room as someone and completely miss their magic if love isn’t present. They might as well be invisible. Because to love is to see.

“There is no intimacy without vulnerability. Yet, vulnerability is the thing we fear the most.” — Brené Brown

So maybe today is a good day to ask yourself: Do you truly see the people you claim to love? Have you ever looked at someone—really looked—and loved them for all they are?

This week, I pray that you receive the grace to love as God loves—deeply, selflessly, and without fear. May your heart be open not only to giving love but also to receiving it fully, without doubt or hesitation. And may you have the wisdom and strength to walk away from anything that is a mere shadow of true love—love that is pure, patient, and kind.

“We love because He first loved us.” — 1 John 4:19

By the way, I’m curious. What’s love called in your language?

With loads and loads of love,

Odinakachi Nwonu 💚

Author’s Note

Music that’s moving me right now:

• This beautiful song from Esua. A blessing!

• This nostalgic one from Mon Rovia. I can’t believe I’m just discovering him.🥹